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Whew.  Well I’m still in a bad mood about this. I might still be mad about it when I’m 85. I’ll let you know. The Rude Sailor is my new best worst first date story (possibly the title of my dating memoir), nearly toppling that guy who yelled at me in public a couple times on another first date aka Mr. Anger Management.

For what it’s worth, all the messaging that The Rude Sailor and I did prior to meeting up on a Tuesday night was all well and good. He talked about sailing a lot btw, not a real sailor. I didn’t get the sense he was a rude dater. I thought he was straight forward and kind of no-nonsense and had maybe not the best sense of humor.  But we had some light banter on random things and all evidence pointed to a serious dude, not a rude dude.

I guess my first inkling should have come when he set up the date.  At first, I was happy he showed a little bit of gumption – suggested we try this bar on the other side of the city where I live, instead of us waffling for where to go.  But then as I thought about it more I was little pissed.  He knew where I lived, yet picked a bar that was probably a stone’s throw from his own house versus a long bus ride for me.  I think the courteous thing to do is to meet in the middle for first dates and while I have had the luxury of suggesting bars near my own place on many occasions, it would only be if my date also lived in that town.  I’m not going suggest some guy schelp across town to meet me! So with hindsight, I should have suggested a place a bit more in the middle, but sue me, I rolled with it.

So I show up a little bit early as my bus was miraculously on time for once. I settled in, told him I had arrived but to take his time and then ordered a Dark and Stormy for myself. He walks in at 7:30 on the dot and things just got weirder from there.

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My first impression of the Rude Sailor was that he was not so great looking. He looked very tan, with glasses, a shaved head, and some bad acne.  I think immediately I was not very attracted to him, but was hoping some stellar personality would pop out.  He ordered a beer and proceeded to chug it while asking me sort of rapid fire questions about myself, not really giving me time to answer before he was either asking me a new question or trying to get clarification on what I said. He thought that I was a manager of bookstore, and when I told him close, but no he asked me if I was sure? Umm no. WAIT. YOU’RE RIGHT. I TOTALLY FORGOT WHAT MY CAREER WAS AND SHOULD RELY ON YOU TO TELL ME WHAT IT IS. What the hell dude?  He claimed he had studied me on the way over (my dating profile?) and that’s what he thought I put.

After chugging his beer, he asked for another, and then closed his tab.   He then said it was because “he didn’t want to drink anymore and not because he was leaving yet.” He then asked if I wanted to play pool and I said sure and he jumped up out of his seat to where the pool table was. Wait for me? I finished my drink and got another one and went to go meet him at the pool table.

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Here we actually had an okay time but again sort of like rapid fire questions that didn’t leave me time to answer much. Plus anything I asked him he either did not answer or turned the question around in some weird way. He asked me if I liked sports and if I liked cartoons, specifically Family Guy. I asked if that was still on, haha, and proceeded to share with him a cartoon that I did watch and I like, Bojack Horseman. He had no idea what that was and asked me to say the name about 25 times, though despite this still called it Jack Horseshow.

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During this time, Extreme Bingo was starting up! I had told him when he checked in prior to the date, that I had looked up that Extreme Bingo was tonight at that bar.  During the date he told me had looked it up once I told him it was a thing at the bar and tried explaining the game to me. He went up to the announcer to get the cards, to show me what it was all about but told me that he didn’t want to play. I did want to play and suggest we play both pool and Extreme Bingo! Something to do at least, as conversation wasn’t a strong point. But overall I would say this part felt like normal date stuff. We were laughing and goofing around. He would give me fist bumps when I got a ball in.  I mean it wasn’t horrible. I didn’t really see any potential but I wasn’t having the worst time in the world.

So then he hits the last ball in, chugs the rest of his beer, comes over and says “Well I’m going to go,” says nice to meet you and literally leaves me standing alone with a pool cue in one hand and the bingo scorecard in the other! It was 8:15. That’s right.  A whole big 45 minute date! WHAT WAS WRONG WITH THIS GUY?

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So a couple theories here.  Either Rude Sailor has another date lined up at 8:30 down the street, or else he’s a rude dater.  I think for many people this is ACTUALLY what online dating is like. For me, it just hasn’t been, and nor would I  ever be that rude to a person. Even if I’m not that crazy about someone, my dates are a minimum two hours and two cocktails long. I don’t mind and actually kind of enjoy talking to another human being for a couple hours even if I don’t want to get like 2 feet close to their junk.  That isn’t a waste of time for me, as this is what I’ve committed to for the night, but for some people it really is.  And that’s all well and good but A. It makes the other person feel like shit and B. Well what about MY time? It took me an hour to get over to that damn bar and then an hour plus to get home.  So really it’s just insanely selfish and weird and is it really a shocker that this guy is still single if this is how he treats dating?

I mean is it fun to reject people like that? Do you get a kick out of it? Because this guy had the personality of an angry mop and basically the acne of a teenager, so it’s not like he was god’s gift to women. But maybe he thought he was!

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So I ended sticking around the bar for another half hour, because I wanted to finish my damn Extreme Bingo scorecard. And no I didn’t win the $10 gift card or the entry into the raffle to see NKOTB. BUMMER.  Then I took myself out to a nice dinner at my favorite fancy restaurant and tried to take a mental shower to rid me of that last really weird 45 minutes of my life.  So all was not lost and I did gain an excellent story for the blog, but man-o-man I hope I never have an experience like that again!

 

 

 

 

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Thankfully I have been blessed with very few clingers in my dating lifetime.  Either I am very lucky or have pretty good clinger radar and put the kibosh on those dates before they even begin.  It’s sort of ironic, because at this stage in my dating life I am certainly looking for commitment but am not necessarily looking for that on the first date.  And when you meet those guys who do, you almost feel bad for not liking them as they really could be instant boyfriends. But just something about it just doesn’t feel right.

I matched with Stage 5er on Tinder on Thursday.  He was really prompt with communication (unlike The Adrenaline Junkie from a couple weeks ago) which was refreshing but also felt immediately suffocating. It’s a fine line!   We found out we had a lot in common initially so traded numbers and then he proceeded to text me non-stop for a couple days.  At one point, I had to pretend that my battery died as my excuse of why I stopped texting him one night.  I mean look, you don’t have to keep talking to anyone you don’t want to but for some reason I felt bad about it!

We arranged for a Monday night date and at this point I was almost in dreadsville status. He was annoying me before we even met! I had called out sick for work that day to go to the beach because it was too nice of day to be stuck at my desk all day. So I may have gotten a little bit too much sun which contributed to my somewhat cranky mood.

En route to the date I get this little text from him – again height is not a big deal but interesting way of bringing it up and also why are we talking about deal breakers out loud? I think deal breakers are interesting.  For me, really nothing physical is a deal breaker. I certainly have things I’m more attracted to than others but I’m not not going go out with someone because God didn’t make them super tall or something. Deal breakers to me are ones that you have made a willing choice about and thus I can say you’re not the one for me.  Like deal breaker – you live 500 miles away. Or deal breaker – you do meth.  This guy was really into deal-breakers though almost to the point where I thought if he assumed he didn’t have any, than I was instantly guaranteed to like him!

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Upon sitting down with Stage 5er, I just was not into him. Again, we had a lot in common but Chatty Cathy. The guy would not stop talking about himself – perhaps it was in a nervous way but maybe that’s my deal breaker! It just irks me to no end that guys do this.  Do you want to know anything about me? Why am I here? For two hours, I just kept say “oh really” or “you don’t say?” and felt like a shadow of my former self! Every time I would try to relate my own story to his, he would circle right back around again to himself. Blerg. No thanks.

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He wasn’t a bad looking guy and him being short didn’t bother me, but I just wasn’t feeling anything. I was tired, got too much sun, and really didn’t want to hear anymore about his spin routine! I could sense that he was kind of lonely as most of his friends didn’t live here and he was really looking for that perfect match. But I was just not his girl.

I got suckered into having dinner with him at the bar and when he asked if I wanted a third drink I politely declined.  He very nicely paid and then when we got outside, as I’m dancing away to move toward public transit, he offers me a ride home. I decline again, telling him I lived right near the train stop, even though I really didn’t. I just needed to get out of there. We part ways with a hug and I breathed a sigh of relief. Finally rid of him!

30 seconds later, as I’m on the train, I get a text message from him asking me if I wanted to hang out again.  GAH. CANNOT GET RID OF HIM.  I queried a friend on whether I needed to respond to that text now or it could wait till the morning, and she suggested I just rip the bandaid off. So I did what I normally do in these situations, write a nice message about how I think they are great but didn’t feel any sparks. Then say good luck and proceed to block them. I realize the blocking part is childish and I mostly do it so I can’t see their reaction but I also do it so I can just cease all communication. No matter what they say, I don’t need to hear it because I’m not interested. Unfortunately that strategy backfired.  Little did I know that when you block someone, it shows them that your message is undeliverable.

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So Stage 5er then messaged me on Tinder, as we were still connected there and asked me if I got his response because his text didn’t go through. OMG put two and two together. He now claimed that he didn’t feel a spark either but would I like to be just friends instead? GAH AGAIN. First of all, so you ask me out again even though you also didn’t feel a spark? What kind of hogwash is that? Secondly, no I’m sorry. But I don’t need any more friends. People need to stop thinking this is a thing.

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So then I proceed to tell him I would be friends and unblock him – out of guilt – and then he sent me some test email and that he thought maybe I had blocked him and that why the message was rejected. Not as dumb as he looks……

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So clearly I made a couple of mistakes here. First off, the initial overabundence of messages turned me off and I probably should have said no to the first date.  Secondly, I should have followed my gut instinct and just kept the guy blocked.  You never have to explain to anybody why you don’t want to keep seeing them.  You don’t owe anyone anything, no matter how many Sauvignon blancs they buy you. I think I need to be a little bit more upfront here.  When he asked if I wanted to be friends, I should have just said no. Why do I feel the need to look out for guys’ feelings all the time? I don’t knowwwwwwwww.

Thankfully, he has not reached out on any kind of friend level so I think I can safely block him again and this time hopefully guilt free!

I really hope Stage 5er finds someone.  I think he was genuinely very nice, but just too gung-ho and smothering for me.

 

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So I went out with The Adrenaline Junkie which now feels like AGES ago.  Where has the time gone? It took us an entire month to set up our date (which should have been my first clue).  My initial impression of TAG was that he bore a striking resemblance to my ex-boyfriend, to the point my friend and I were referring to him as Travel Writer 2.0 and then shortened to just 2.0.  I could tell he was shorter, but had a very similar smile.  He also liked to travel, had a similar beard, a mild shellfish allergy, and was around the same age too.  So I was like okay, this is either perfect or a disaster.

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Month one communication was me sending him texts, and him responding anywhere from 2 days to a week later. For example, I replied to his initial text which came in on Saturday, a couple hours later and he proceeded to respond two days later, asking me to go out that night! What the hell! Then I think I told him that wouldn’t work, but what about Tuesday instead. He got back to me a week later. Something about how he thought he hit send when he replied to me on Monday but didn’t and blah blah blah blah.

I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt but I should have known better.  People (i.e. men) who are like this either too busy to be dating OR have extreme ADD.  Listen, I’m not talking about shoot the shit banter here. We are talking about plans and it’s a little rude to not respond to someone for eons if you’re trying to make plans. Call me cray!

Instant messaging is just that. It’s supposed to be instant. He literally could have written me a letter, and it would have arrived the same time as his texts.  Actually probably sooner!

However, after a month – we finally set something up for a Thursday night at a bar near my house.  Day of date I get a sweet text about how he was excited to meet me.  So then I was excited too. We had good banter and while I predicted he was quite short, I thought we would get along.

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And we totally did! I got to the bar first and he came a little later and he was a teeny guy – maybe just my height. But super cute, well dressed, well traveled and holy hell smoothie. The guy was buttering me up from the get-go.  Talking to me about how attractive I was, telling me about all our future dates, using the term “we” like it was going out of style. And you know I did fall for it a little bit.  Finally a man with moves and confidence! Maybe this WAS my Travel Writer 2.0, but without all the emotional intimacy issues!

One hour into the date he picked up my hand and started stroking it! It was terribly erotic and I feel like something couples do, when they really want to touch each other but they are in a public place and it’s the next best thing.  I talked a teensy bit about my breakup but he revealed his big issue towards the end of the date – that he had extreme ADD in terms of dating and was really picky.  I get it now! He was also into lots of extreme type sports – car racing, scuba diving, skiing, etc.  And had taken time off to travel the world for 9 months. But the dating ADD thing. Oh no.

So four hours later we end the date and are doing the dancing around “This was fun” awkardness but then he just grabbed my face and kissed me and we made out a bunch in front of the restaurant, waiting for his uber to arrive. It was so fun! Again, my gut feeling was “This guy is never going to call me again” but I went with it.  It was the first person I kissed post my break up and it felt good.  Finally, someone I could have a nice date with and want to smooch! It can happen.

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So as you can imagine……the guy never called.  I’m not going to talk about him too harshly but like dude get a grip.  I just do not get these smoothie guys.  It’s not like he used these techniques to get me into the sack. We made out for a couple minutes. What does he get out of it, saying all those nice things to me and pledging future plans, and then just never, ever following up? Is it more about the chase? Is it more validation for him? Okay, this girl liked me enough to kiss me? Who else can I get?

I mean soooo not the guy for me, if that’s the case.  I really wish him well but you’re 41. Stop chasing people and grow up! No one got time for that!

He truly was an adrenaline junkie though – whether it was high speed cars or women, this guy might be looking the rush of the initial like and sadly not commitment anytime soon.

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Well I’m about a month into Cat Lady 2.0 and well I’m just not that impressed.  So far I’ve been on three first dates, two second dates, and cancelled one because the guy seemed metro and used to many smiley faces. I AM NOT PICKY AT ALL.

But basically I’ve found the state of dating to be pretty much the same as when I left it a year ago.  OKCupid is full of well meaning guys who have little to no ambition and aren’t that attractive. Bumble continues to vex me. So many cute men, who just won’t respond to any of my messages.  And Tinder is full of very cute men who are shady AF. What’s a girl to do?

So here’s what I have been dealing with …..

Can’t take a joke bros

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Jon really couldn’t take a joke.  I try to be really creative on Tinder with my first messages.  Saying “hey!” is boring and trite and how’s a bitch to stand out without some witty opening line!? Jon was having none of it.  See above.   Maybe this isn’t really rude and it’s just impossible to read tone from a two line message. But this guy just didn’t seem to warm up to my attempt at humor.  Buh bye Jon – who WISHES he had that “H!”

 

Reruns

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So…..I actually already went out with this guy back in April 2015! See my blog post about it here. I’m really fine that he doesn’t remember.  I mean it was two years ago and I’m sure unlike myself he doesn’t A. having a dating blog where he’s written down every date he’s be on in the last 3 years and B. probably doesn’t have a near photographic memory when it comes to people.  So I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt. However, forget it. That date sucked and also ummm no I don’t need your tips and tricks about podcasting! I have a fucking podcast and it’s doing really well thank you very much.  Good at actual dates? I beg to differ since hey I have been on one with you.  And “being single in a weird time”. WTF does that mean? I actually thought about replying back telling him we actually did have a date already. But I didn’t mostly because 10 minute after I read this message, he deactivated his account, which oddly was his exact MO last two years ago! This leads me to suspect he is deactivating/reactivating his account which I guess is a way to boost your profile because OKCupid promotes you when you are a newer user.  But if that’s a case, ICK.  Just not into this fella…..

Cut and Pasters

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It’s not a mystery that men (women too!) cut and paste the same message to everyone that they are interested in, in the hopes that someone will take the bait! Never is it more apparent on OKCupid if you don’t delete any of your old messages. The way the messages work is that if someone messages you, it will just piggy back on the last time they did, unless you deleted the previous correspondence.   Case in point, R here.

Check out those time stamps. Literally TWO YEARS apart and the guy is saying word for word the same exact message! Oh wait, wait. I lied. He now says “Hi there.” What originality!! I mean is this really working for you R? Is it?!! I’m dying to know.

I did have a good date the other night (will write up that one later) but pretty sure he was just a smoothie, con artist looking for some validation or some garbage like that.  Anyways, I will press on but am just trying to remember that dating pretty miserable until suddenly it is not!

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What’s up with dentists these days?? I matched and then began messaging with what appeared to be a cute dentist on OKCupid the other day.  His messaging and reasons for being online did seem a little canned, but I went with it anyway. Finding a cute guy on OKCupid, is like finding a needle in a haystack.  Do not look a gift horse in the mouth! How many adage can I fit into this one paragraph!?!!

However, my track record with dentists thus far, not that great.  A couple years ago I gave my number to a guy on Tinder, who also happened to be a dentist.  Unfortunately he was out drinking with some buddies that night and decided it would be funny to try to FaceTime with me.  I never picked up and he called me again and again and again. Maybe like 10 times in a row. Finally I was like look, buddy. Don’t really want to Facetime prior to meeting.  Smell ya later. He then got really nasty and called me ugly and fat and a bitch and then I proceeded to report his ass to Tinder for bad behavior. Lunatic.

This new dentist seemed harmless though I did notice that he wanted to move straight to texting despite just exchanging “hi how are you you’s” and asking me questions about my dental history. I think this is fine, but I guess I should have been a little bit more wise to it.  But YOLO, so I pressed on.  Five days later he finally texted me and we exchanged the weirdest couple of messages ever to the point I decided that maybe texting was the best thing ever because I may have avoided a possible serial killer or at the very least a really judgemental freakazoid.

Our initial messages on OKCupid mostly revolved around how many cavities I had and what color they were.  Dentist humor I thought! Funny! Haha. I specifically asked him if having cavities at all was some sort of deal breaker? I mean I have a couple. Who doesn’t? But like seriously?

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Once we began texting, he AGAIN because obsessed with the state of my mouth and wanted me to take a picture of my open mouth so he could see what was going on in there. I mean is this for real?? I politely declined and he politely kept asking me. It was so odd. No means no.  What kind of craziness is this? I kept imagining he was some serial killer, who picks his victims based on the condition of their teeth! Was he even a real dentist?!! Who knows.

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Needless to say don’t think I’m making plans with The Dentist anytime soon, and might possibly be swearing off dentists forever.

*Also, never dating ANYONE who uses the phrase “lol”.

 

 

 

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Last Tuesday I found myself on my second date with Mr. Sci Fi.  I was really torn about him! After our first date I felt very positive about him. We had great conversations and seemed to have a lot in common. He was tall and cute and seemed to have a good head on his shoulders.  I heard from him the next day and we texted randomly about random topics for a large part of the evening but he didn’t ask me out again.  As I’m not waiting for anybody these days, I texted him the next day and asked him out.  We’re not getting any younger here plus that week was too busy to go out, so I wanted to make sure we had our next hang on the books for the following week.

In between that time we did very little if any communication.  I was kind of bummed about this and then started to not be that excited about the date.  At one point I sent him a picture of a bar we had a talked about on date one and I got three thumbs up emojiis and that was it.  Huh? While I love a good emojii response as it can be timely and funny, a follow up with actual words would have been nice.  Day before date he reached out a bit more and we chatted a bit more then set up our date for Tuesday. I feel like this stuff is so petty but I find it really matters to me now.

 

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At this point, I was beginning to get the sense that Mr. Sci Fi is a bit of a thumb twiddler when it comes to dating. I use this term to describe men who sit and twiddle their thumbs and wait for ladies to come along and sweep them off their feet. A reverse damsel in distress act if you will. A Dame in Distress! It’s not that these guys don’t want to find someone, but they really don’t care that much if they do and they just aren’t going to put in effort to it well because why should they?! It’s a fine line.  While no one wants to be labeled desperado, I think showing effort towards someone that you are potentially courting is not the worst thing in the world. Sure, it’s probably not going to work out. Sure, they are probably a stranger to you. But the lack of effort of men these days and probably women too, ug.  I blame online dating and apps like Tinder for making dating so easy but so god damned disposable.

So day of date, I give myself to enough time to walk to the location we were meeting and arrive just on time. No date in sight so I text him that I am there and he says he’s running 15 minutes behind. Who texts someone that AT the time they were supposed to meet? Geesh.  Again, kind of a thumb twiddler.

He arrives and we end up having again some good chats.  With hindsight, I realized we were mostly just joint complaining about stuff that we encounter in our everyday lives which at first was super fun, but then got old real quick.  Were we two old geezers complaining about “these kids these days” or what?!

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But then the bottom fell out of the date when I learned one important fact about Mr. Sci Fi. He does not have nor ever has had a driver’s license! Here are the two reasons I could come up with for why some person would not have a driver’s license.  Number one they are blind. Number two is that they live in New York City.  He had neither of those excuses.

Sure. I don’t have a car currently. But you better believe it I was the first one in line to sign up for driver’s ed so I could get my license at 16 and half so I could have the freedom and flexibility to tow my own ass around town! It is a rite of passage for gods sake! Aside from all that it just seems like a really odd thing not to possess. What if you got on vacation and need to rent a car? What if your friend is ill and can’t drive? Or you’re the only person sober enough to drive? What if we get married and are having a baby and I suddenly go into labor and he can’t drive me to the hospital because well oops he never really wanted to get his license because when he was 16, he didn’t really feel like there was anywhere worth driving to? What the hell…..

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Now I realize this isn’t a huge deal at all.  It was in fact not the deal breaker but in a way the straw that broke the camels back. Mr. Sci Fi was really nice but I felt like zero energy of his coming my way.  Other than paying for my $1 tacos (not a sexual reference), I couldn’t get any signs that he actually liked me! Post tacos, we headed to another bar and had one drink and continued to talk about other really mundane not personal things.  I asked him many questions and he asked me nearly none but then we digressed into this very long conversation about Outlook Express and then I realized this was just not my dream man. He was so nice but I just don’t think we were looking for the same things! Do I want someone who has a driver’s license? Yes! Do I want someone who shows me any sort of effort so dating feels like actually SOMETHING instead of two strangers sitting together talking about problems with their email? Yes!

After what seemed like the longest amount of time, we ended the date and started walking back to our respective forms of public transit.  We live sort of near each other but I specifically decided to take the way that he definitely would not take so I could avoid that awkward public transit part of the date which I loathe if I’m not into someone.

So as we go to part ways, I again went for the larger than usual hug to offset any feelings that they may want to kiss me and also to maybe really hit home that I thought we were more on friendly terms than romantic terms. And home I went!

I did hear from him a couple days later when he texted me a video about something we were talking about during our date.  I responded back with an emojii face and no follow up words. Touche, Mr. Sci. Touche!

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So in the case of Mr. Sci Fi, it was a second date I was glad I went on because it just confirmed we just didn’t click on the level I thought we would which is fine and what second dates are for. But I’m sort of sick of these too friendly dates already and really am hoping for, in the near future, a knock my socks off want to jump you in the first couple minutes date.  A girl can dream!

 

 

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I decided to take up Mr. Sweater on a date #2 last week.  I thought our B plus date from the week before warranted at least another couple of hours of trying to figure out if there was anything there and he also suggested trivia which I am a god damned sucker for.

I continued to think Mr. Sweater may be slightly socially awkward.  There was zero chit-chat in between our first and second date, other than to set up time/place and then that odd exchange about trying to drag me out at 10 pm on a Saturday to tell me about that harrowing boating tale that I talked about in my last post.  Day of date, I receive some communication in the morning to ask if we were still on and then I confirmed when we were meeting and that was pretty much it.

I’m sort of on the fence with lots of in between date texting.  I don’t tend to like it before you meet someone because it can instill a false personality on them.  I don’t think I have to recall all of the countless times that I’ve fallen in love with someone over text messages and then met them in person and felt out of love about as fast as you can say “OK Cupid”. But once we have met, I kind of like a little bit of day-to-day chatter. It doesn’t have to be excessive but let’s keep greasin’ the wheels so to speak!

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So our trivia date was fun, though unfortunately my date was pretty horrible at it! Not that he didn’t try, but whew, some of his answers were so far out in left field, I didn’t even know what to say anymore.  I think part of this was due to the fact that Mr. Sweater has basically zero recall for random bits of information – really a cornerstone of the trivia field if you will.  Now this had come up on our previous date because I’m a big fan of recalling movie plots, tv show plots, and an occasional novel plot.  I’m a pop culture fanatic and find that even if I haven’t seen a particular work, I know everything about it anyways because I read about it somewhere or listened to a podcast about it.  It’s how my brain works and I don’t fault people who don’t have this skill, but this guy had some legit selective amnesia or something.  Anything I would mention, he would say he had heard of it or had seen it but literally remembered nothing about it. So truthfully that made conversation difficult because he got zero of my one liners from movies and he couldn’t answer very many trivia questions related to almost anything. Bummer.

I don’t remember much of anything else on the date to be honest (who’s got the selective amnesia now!?!”). We talked a little bit about background life stuff. Lots about work.  An extended tangent on Whitey Bulger. Nothing stood out. Nothing was bad. It was just all just kinda okay?

Also, as the date wore on and maybe as the vodka from my Tito’s and tonic started to sink into my bloodstream, my attraction to him both ebbed and flowed.  Sometimes I would be like yeah, I’d make out with him. Other times I would be like wow he looks like Andy Cohen from Bravo and no way I would not.

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Regardless, the date was still kind of fun.  I pulled out some clutch answers in the last two rounds of the game and we ended up WINNING which was completely shocking and we got to take home $40.  Hollllllllah.

The date ends and at this point I’m firmly in the camp of “nice guy, but don’t think he’s got enough pizzaz for me.” I need some charismatic mojo asap and this guy just didn’t have it.  However, very chivalrously, Mr. Sweater offered to walk me part of the way home.  At first I thought, well that’s nice! A real gentleman. Then I started to think about and was like shiiiiit. Is this goodnight kiss time?

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So we’re walking along and I’m trying to find out where is the best place to jettison this whole thing. Part of me thought maybe I would kiss him. To be nice and also just to get my first post Mr. Travel Writer kiss out of the way. But then I thought how sucky I would feel if some guy who really didn’t like me at all kissed me at night’s end just because they felt bad. You will get no such pity kisses from me kind sir!

I finally found a good point during the walk to say, “hey this is my turn off!” and we sort of step back from each other and I see him take his gum out of his mouth! Gah – he was totally expecting a whole swap spit-a-thon.  So I went for a really, big FRIENDLY hug and said “we should do it again some time” and then trotted off towards my neighborhood.  Gosh, did I feel bad but sort of not really because hey, I’m not kissing anyone unless I 100% want to.

Then I cried a little bit.  I knew the first couple of dates post Mr. Travel Writer would be the hardest.  I really do miss him a lot and really miss our fun dates.  We had the best and greatest time together. That was never an issue.  And it just felt sad that I was back at square one.  Getting awkwardly walked home by dates that I just don’t feel anything for. It just felt like such a long road ahead and I just don’t know if I can do 50 first dates again before I find someone who is great and who thinks I’m great too.

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But I’m keeping positive! And trying not to cry anymore!

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Part of Cat Lady 2.0 is to try to be in the driver’s seat more with all of these dates and my first idea to put that into effect was to try to plan more dates closer to my apartment.  Gone are the days where I am going to trek to the far reaches of this city to go on a more than likely mediocre first date.  Luckily, I just moved, and my new neighborhood has a plethora of good dating spots though sadly my date with Mr. Sci Fi Writer took place at the same bar as my date on Wednesday with Mr. Sweater AND as luck would have it, the same bartender was there too!

Mr. Sci Fi Writer suggested dinner and I’m always eh about a dinner date first date.  It just feels too constrictive or something. I want both a. the opportunity to bail after one drink if I’m not into it but also b. to do a couple of arm touches if I am into it which is just impossible to do when you are a dinner table width apart away.  So again, stepping into the driver’s seat, I strategically got to the bar a couple of minutes early so I could park at the bar and just be like “Hey, Mr. Sci Fi Writer. I’m at the bar! Come and find me!”

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What did I know about Mr. Sci Fi Writer pre date? Not a whole lot.  He is about my age. Tall. College degree.  Enjoys craft beer and sci fiction.  Sounds like every man who probably lives in my neighborhood. However, our many messages on OKCupid (I think about 20!) and our nearly week-long text exchange was good – pretty witty banter about really nothing at all.  Just how I like it! I had one kind of okay picture of him, but it was from the side and with an eye patch (a costume, not a legit eye patch!). So lookswise, literally no idea!

So I was pleasantly surprised to find him kind of cute! He actually reminded me of a younger version of my ex-bf, which probably is not the best thing in the world, but let’s face it, it’s kind of hard to avoid bearded, tall men, who wear well-worn plaid shirts. They are everywhere these days!

We had great silly banter all night.  We had a lot in common – he actually grew up in the same area my parents were from, similar thoughts on politics, pop culture, and veganism and had a lengthy discussion on Star Wars. He told me he was an author (and I made a mental note to check out his books when I got home) and also an avid baseball fan.  The night passed pretty quickly and we got food and three drinks a piece.  By 10:30 we called it quits and split the bill.  Another Cat Lady 2.0 upgrade, I decided to now always offer to split the check because I am no longer dead broke anymore. Hooray!

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It was raining that night, so I decided to wait for him with my umbrella while his Uber came. Reverse chivalry! We traded hugs, said the lame “This was so fun!”, and then I watched his Kia Optima driven by Rasheed pull away.

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I had a great time! I think I called him adorable to one of my friends but he also seemed quite nice and I was attracted to him! But did he like me at all? It did feel like a very friendly date. Maybe too friendly? As of Monday afternoon, no follow-up text or any communication which isn’t the worst sign but isn’t the best. I have to say, in that scenario, my favorite is the morning after text to alleviate all the crazy thoughts that I’m having right now about how maybe I talked too much or maybe I should have touched his arm more. And now I’m thinking maybe to just throw caution to the wind and reach out even if I don’t hear from him on the off-chance he’s just some terrified dater.

And good news, the bartender did not remember me from the other night (really why would she?!), so thankfully I won’t be labeled some dating harlot who takes all her dates to the same bar. Player? Yes, please!

 

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I’m torn about this.  When I told my mother I was wary about a guy who used smiley faces as punctuation she told me I was “crazy” and that it probably just meant he was “optimistic.”

In an emojii obsessed world, I get the need for emotional icons to represent how we are feeling in this new age where our sole communication is the written word.  You can’t read tone in a text message and that can truly be the downfall of many relationships.

I myself am an over exclamation pointer.  I tend to use exclamation points like periods. I’m trying to ween myself off of them or at the very least use them in moderation, but it has proven difficult because I am a chipper person.  But also probably that I want the other person to read my texts as happy and putting a blase old period at the end of the sentence now screams serious to me.

But what about the smiley face?

The good, old fashioned:

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I postponed a date with Mr. Smiley Face because frankly I felt someone else was more interesting but it didn’t help that most of his sentences ended with a : )

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Now I understand that is an attempt at mild flirting and while sweet in theory, I just don’t enjoy it.  If we were talking in person, would you be doing a physical wink after everything you said to me? No, you wouldn’t and if you did I would think you had a twitch or something in your eye.  Why is this okay in texting? I like a good old flirting session like any girl does, but I don’t know what it is about text messaging flirting with strangers that I just can’t get behind.

I guess it may be worthwhile to actually meet Mr. Smiley Face in person to determine if he lives up to all the flirtation hype, but my gut is telling me to take my exclamation points and run for the hills!

 

 

 

 

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Well I’m happy to report that April’s disaster desert of dating is now over. The rains have come and it has brought me a substantial amount of dates that unfortunately all hit in the same week.  Oy.

 

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This week I had four dates scheduled; a platonic check in date with a boomerang boyfriend I’ve had for about 7 years (more on that later); a date on Thursday with The Sweater, a date on Friday with Mr. Smiley Face (which I ended up cancelling), and then a date on Sunday with Mr. TBD.  So many menz, so little time for it all.  I had to remember my cardinal rule, no more than three days a week or else it just is too much.  It would be one thing if I was super excited about any of these people or the possibly of boning was involved but these are all just first dates. So it’s like having 4 job interviews in a row. Big no thanks on that.  Ergo, why I had to drop Mr. Smiley Face.

That’s brings us to the Mr. Sweater which got set up quite quickly as all Tinder dates tend to.  Monday night I was at my sister’s house and I get a message from Mr. Sweater about one of my pictures which is me in a Halloween costume. So we chatted back and forth about that and traded zingers and some clever double entendres and then he asked me if I wanted to get a drink on Thursday.  Thursday I had already set up a date with Mr. Smiley Face but I decided that since I had better rapport with Mr. Sweater, it was okay to shift Mr. Smiley Face to another day.   The juggling!

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Day of date rolls around and I haven’t spoken to the Mr. Sweater since we set up the date on Monday night.  Since he asked me out, I was hoping he’d be the one to reach out and pick a time/place, etc. But of course now. Why should anyone expect that?!! So by 4:00 I sent the old “Hey still on for tonight” text. A girl needs to know whether there is date prep involved!  But thankfully he said yes and we finalized a time.

It felt weird but good to be getting ready for a date.  I decided against hair washing and as a departure from my old dating habits wore my hair up.  I AM A WHOLE NEW PERSON NOW.  It felt weird to rewind back to a life before I had that boyfriend.  As I was walking to my date I thought, well here we go again. Back to this whole business and I had a strange feeling almost as if all of last year did not happen because here I was again marching myself to 100 first dates a year. But I knew I had to do it, to start with just this one and hope to god I don’t make the same mistake of past years.

I was a couple minutes late so when I walked into the bar he was easy to find, sitting alone at the end.  We traded the normal very odd stranger hug and I settled down next to him and we started chatting.

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My first impression was that he was good looking but seemed very nervous. This was immediately confirmed once giant beads of sweat started pooling on his forehead! Man, did I long for the days when men carried around handkerchiefs. A good sweep of the brow would have helped him out immensely.  20 minutes later the sweat had subsided but in general he seemed a little scared of me though regardless an interesting person in many cases.

I’m trying not to lead all the conversations on dates as a sort of test but I find it hard because I hate awkward pauses.  So when I ran out of steam aka awkward pause, those were the couple times he asked me anything. He was a journalist for crying out loud!  But in general we had some good conversations, laughed a little bit, and had three drinks.  This particular bar we were at had red wine on tap, which was a good idea in theory but bad once I remembered I hadn’t had dinner and that my lunch had consisted of about 5 tofu cubes. Whooooopsie.

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Once Mr. Sweater went to the bathroom, the bartender took the opportunity to tell me that we were her third Tinder date of the night and wasn’t it going so well and that he seemed cute.  Wow.  I mean yes we did meet on Tinder, but does no one meet in person anymore? God. I am making it my mission to go on one date this year that is procured NOT on a dating app. Woman on a mission.

For some reason, despite myself finding our conversation to be strained at times, we were there for 3.5 hours! Holy dating black hole! What did we even talk about? The date fell short on romance vibes which the old me would consider a deal breaker, but Cat Lady 2.0 may reconsider. I personally have never put much stock in the “love will grow” mentality of dating.  Much like how I can pick out what nail color I want within 2.5 seconds of being at a nail salon, I can usually determine in 2.5 hours whether I want to get anywhere near someone’s penis. Call me crazy!

But we parted ways with a “This was fun”, “We should do X next time”, another awkward hug.

Overall, I felt good about it.  My first date as Cat Lady 2.0 and I had survived!

Grace Darling

 

Update: By Saturday, Mr. Sweater did follow through and we made plans to hang out in the middle of the next week.  However, I may be detecting a bit of Asperger’s in this fellow or maybe it’s just slight social awkwardness. I can’t pinpoint it but he’s very cut and dry though not above a last-minute, Saturday night hang to tell me all about some boating story even thought we had settled on seeing each other next week. I asked him about his Saturday and we were talking about generally what we did and he apparently went sailing and had some harrowing trip back to dry land and wanted to tell me about it over a late night drink.  But it was 10 pm! What is with the spontaneous date! I’m all for it if we actually are dating but in the getting to know you stage that’s a big old no thanks from me.  Slow your roll, Mr. Sweater!

Anyways, date #2 to commence next week.  I have a feeling that he may just be too awkward for me but I am reserving all judgment until at least 3-4 more hours of hang time!